The working mum

Who else feels stuck in the daily routine? But are we stuck or should we embrace it?

The alarm goes off, you hit snooze numerous times to avoid the tasks that will begin and not stop until late in to the evening. Then the children wake up – no snooze button there so it’s time to get going… let the day begin!

Each morning I wake up and never really give myself any time at all to process how I am feeling and what I really want to do anymore. I have realised that it’s not really that I can’t do anything for myself, more that I don’t let myself! I get absorbed with wrapping my existence in the school routine,doing the washing, feeding the dog, making lunch boxes, doing breakfasts (having no time at all for breakfast myself and wondering why I’m carrying a few unwanted pounds as I eat a chocolate bar for breakfast on my way to work!) I then do the school runs head to work and have no lunch, work through so I can leave on time to collect the kids from school to begin driving back and forward to after school activities all evening (in goes a biscuit in place of the lunch I didn’t get to eat,) trying to be in two locations at the same time which we all know is impossible. I’m forever pre planning and packing bags for the kids as though everyday is a mini vacation yet the holiday is never at the end…

Being a working mum is truly exhausting, millions of fabulous women do it everyday and I’m sure fall in a heap at the end of the day feeling under appreciated, exhausted and incapable of watching that one programme they really wanted to see all day. It becomes a daily routine which begins again and that moment truly for you never comes.

I am a mum of two beautiful girls, I have a loving partner and we have a wonderful dog. As I write this post I begin to process my own thoughts and think about the odd thing I may like to do today. Well it’s half term so I shan’t be grabbing a child free moment unless I go to work which seems to be the place I am gifted with for my break…. is that a break though? Not really, intense tasks one after the other until I go home to begin my motherly duties and fall asleep in a heap on the sofa again, a true desire to my parter I’m sure!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, my own time and how I can have more of it without feeling guilty. I love being a mum, I love my family and the truth of it I do enjoy my job but sometimes I just want to enjoy being me.

The days when you were at school resenting being there but looking back you could just be you and not think about anyone else, the care free days of doing mostly what you wanted with your free time.

I suffer with anxiety and have done more so over the past 10 years after having my first child. Having ups and downs, feeling a little panicked sometimes isn’t pleasant but its manageable, most things are manageable if you take control. I used to think that my anxiety was more at bay if I filled my day with constant distractions and routines but all it does is overload one person with millions of things to do causing to much stress. The true answer to put my worries at bay is to have a moment for myself and do something that makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something today just for me. I don’t want my feeling of success to be putting the right food in a lunchbox and making sure I arrived at swimming without forgetting the goggles!

I recently took a few days break with my friends and had a rare carefree few days to just be me and not do a lot except eat, drink and laugh with my lovely friends. Sure enough we spoke a lot about our children, families and our jobs but we didn’t have deadlines, we didn’t have to watch the time. Sometimes I think all we need is to take a moment, don’t watch the clock and appreciate what’s right in front of us. Take a moment each day just to do one thing for yourself even if it means blocking out the noise and eating breakfast. What’s right in front of me is my greatest achievement- my family but sometimes I’m too bogged down to see it. That’s why yesterday I joined this (alien to me) world of blogging so I can have a moment to feel how I feel, just me and nobody else and today I can start my day feeling great. I hope you can too.


What led me to begin my blogging journey…..

For quite a few years now I have suffered with anxiety. Mainly health related worries following becoming a parent and my existence feeling a little more important now that I have two beautiful daughters. That’s not to say that it is, I just feel with the added responsibility and pressures of being a mum have made me, I guess over analyse the smaller things I was once so care free about.

I used to live quite a go with the flow life with little to no worry at all, this all changed for me when becoming a parent. It started off as small worries, A slight pain or unusual feeling and then became much more.

If something small was unsettling me in my life or I was having a bad day a pain in my head could potentially lead me in to hours of panic about what this pain could be, my thoughts obsessing over the pain until I had convinced myself this is it!

Living in this way is quite draining, not just for me but for others around me I imagine too so I woke up this morning and thought 💭 I’m going to give this blogging a go and get a handle on my thoughts and sort this anxiety out once and for all.